Behold the Glory of Your Indentured Life in Fandom. Here are some Blessed Words from your Benevolent Leaders.
By the Glory of The Great Eagle Who Soars Over the Hinterlands, welcome to another beautiful day in the Fragrant Utopia of your Dallas Mavericks fandom.
The Righteous Triumvirate of team CEO Big Dick, Omniscient Governor Patrick and Dear Leader Nico, the Ultimate Tactician, convened this day with representatives from the Esteemed Second Estate (since there is only one Estate in our Noble Government, that of The All Seeing Eye of Miriam).
It was indeed a fair and conscientious joust between equals! The bottom-feeding ink-stained wretches asked many questions that bordered on treason, but the wise and understanding Triad of Team Leadership wishes above all else to assuage any who may be feeling some kind of way about Recent Events!
First, and above all else, it is imperative that you take heed of the One Underlying Fact that girds not only this altruistic communique but, indeed, our entire Great Society! Your humble and hard-working government officials have no obligation to you as consumers of Mavs Fandom. Dear Leader Nico owes you not a thing; nay, not even a thought! Yet, in his benevolent magnanimity, he graces you with The Undeserved Wisdom of His Answers.
Take notes, ye wretched pilloried masses! Dear Leader Nico is Dropping Knowledge on your heads like so many bricks from the monuments you built during your Required Period of Indentured Servitude.
The slimy press corps clamored for more detail on the decision-making process as the Mavericks Machine churned and spit out a Certain Former Operative, who shall remain nameless in this transmission.
The exile of the Balkan Mongrel, whom many of you have called “The Golden Boy” and “The Chosen One,” is a blessing unlike any the Old Gods or The New have previously bestowed upon our Arctic Island Paradise. The fact that you cannot discern the long-term blessing from the base, immediate symptoms, which may appear to be a curse but indeed are not, is only a sign of your own cross-eyed, inbred doltishness!
The Great Anthony of the Davis Line remains a Top-75 Operative, despite unjust and foolish reviews from the proletariat. Let not the immediate results taint your long-term view of the conditions in the Paradise of Mavs Fandom, as Dear Leader’s plan has not yet had time to coalesce into its purest form. Your anger may seem righteous in your minds, addled by both hunger and thirst, but Know the Truth, you Unwashed Skeptics! The Might of the State Makes Us Right!
Your Superiors in Mind and Spirit know what is best for you, better than you yourself know; better indeed than your one-legged mother or your deaf-and-dumb father could ever know. Let the lullaby of promised prosperity three seasons from now lull you into a contented slumber, knowing that the teet you suckle from when you wake to a dewy and bright dawn, you poor unfortunate peons, is the same teet that the Heroes of Old nursed on before their likenesses were etched into the Canyons and Crevasses that line our Great Land!
The Great Ones, like Jason the Kidd, who was rehabilitated with several months of Labor on a Nearby Farm after several unfortunate accidents involving an overly mouthy loved one. Now, Jason the Kidd speaks only when formally addressed by his Superiors and lives life according to The Great Will of Miriam’s Lineage! Truly, he is a success story the proletariat can fully get behind.
Or take the Example of Dear Leader, even, should you need inspiration to live a happy and fulfilled life without over-inflated expectations or delusions of grandeur. The only Grandeur in This Land, as we are all taught from a young age, is reserved for the Line of Miriam, and Glad We Should Be for the Extension of that Line!
Dear Leader pulled himself up by his State-Issued Bootstraps, escaping the Capitalist Labor Bondage of work in The Foot Locker and as a middling executive at Some Shoe Company, when the Previous Administration brought him into The Executive Annex of Rule.
Little may you have known at the time, but Dear Leader Nico was, in fact, a Special Operative of Miriam, biding his time, gathering Kompromat on the Lecherous Donnie and Flatulent Mark, the Cuban. He had faith when few others did, but his faith was rewarded when The Empire of Miriam marched on The Cubans, whose existence will henceforth be nullified from the public record.
Dear Leader knows, a Strong Defense Budget is far more important than local infrastructure, housing, sound economic policy or any other nuisance pet issue your narrow minds can conceive, in the Grand Scheme of Nation Building!
May Dear Leader Nico continue to light the way to The Truth! It should be noted, though, that three of the four Representatives of the Second Estate Media Apparatus present at Tuesday’s Healing Roundtable presented The Triad with one too many follow-up inquiries. They have been escorted to A Nearby Farm for an open-ended Vacation of Healing Labor in Service of The Great State.
May the Mavericks of Miriam’s Fiefdom raid the So-Called Kings, leaving Sacramento cupboards bare after ransacking village after village in the Glory of Play-in Victory on the morrow!
End State Media Transmission.